Dear Granddad:

I know you probably already know this, but I miss you. A lot. I miss you calling me Charlie Brown. I miss hearing you say, "You stepped in what?" when you didn't hear something. I miss your hugs.

One year ago today, we lost you. It doesn't feel like it's been a whole year. It feels like just a few months have passed. I think about you every day; random memories pop into my head. Many times, it's often to just send an "I love you" up to Heaven.

Your family and friends surrounded you while you were in the hospital. Everyone knew it was bad this time around. But we couldn't not be there for you. No matter how hard it was to see you in that hospital bed.

We knew when it happened, when you went to God. We, your beloved wife, kids and grandkids, were right there. The seven of us gave you one last kiss, hugged each other and cried until we had nothing left to cry out. No matter how much we knew we would miss you, we were happy to know that you would no longer be in any kind of pain. Not even those phantom pains that had plagued you since your leg was amputated from that plan crash on June 10, 1949.

We never know what God has in store for us. He still wanted you to live a full and happy life after that plane crash. Believe me, it wasn't lost on any of us that you lasted until the eve of the anniversary of that crash. You made it 62 years past the day that you were pronounced dead three times. You were just a wee bit stubborn, weren't you?  :o)  I definitely know where I get it from.

And not that I've been to a lot of funerals, but man, you had a lot of people show up to pay their respects for you. When I finally turned around, I couldn't believe my eyes. I hope you know just how loved and respected you were, and not just by your family. You touched a lot of people in your life, I hope you know that.

All of our first holidays without you this year were tough. But we knew you were looking down on us, smiling. And just so you know, we spoiled Granny rotten at Christmas.

I just wanted to let you know, I love you and miss you more than words can say. I admired you probably more than you ever knew, and still do. I will continue to think about you every day, sending my love up to Heaven.

Love, Hugs, and Kisses,

Charlie Brown

April Blog Challenge: K is for Katie-bug

I remember very well the day in 1995 that we went to adopt our little Katie-bug. My mom had decided it was time for another dog; she and I drove to the city pound to adopt from a litter she had read/seen in the paper. A litter of Terrier crosses that had been abandoned. (I will apologize now for no puppy pictures, as all of those are hard copy buried in albums somewhere at my parents house).

It started out with Mom saying, "I want a short-haired female." By the time we drove up to the pound, it had turned into, "I want a female." And when we walked in, she took the first puppy to jump up on her. Luckily it was female, but she was long haired with massively uneven floppy ears.

She was perfect.

 Katie-bug, Christmas '09, showing off her perfectly imperfect ears.

We found out quickly that all you had to do was look at the damn dog cross-eyed and she'd squat and pee. It took us years to break her of that. And it wasn't like we were giving her mean looks, either. You could walk in and she'd be all excited to see you and you excited to see her, and she'd piss all over the floor.

Katie and Mickie.

Another thing we found out quickly was her love of fetching. That dog was in love with tennis balls. I think she loved them more than us sometimes. For several years, you couldn't throw a tennis ball enough for her. We couldn't wear her out. It took my mom's BFF's son to finally wear her out. Once. I'm not sure he ever accomplished it more than once. We all swore she'd die chasing tennis balls, her favorite thing in the world.

And not just tennis balls. Any ball. Or stick - even if it was bigger than her. The best ball story has to do with my volleyball. I had a pink volleyball that had blue or purple triangles on it. Probably not the prettiest but it was bright and you could see it coming so you could hit it instead of it hitting you. My parents and I were out in the back of the house, doing something, when all of a sudden we hear this muffled "ooooooooooow! oooooooooooooow!" We couldn't figure out what that noise was for the life of us. We made our way to the garage and stopped and started laughing our asses off. Somewhere in an album there is a picture of this, but I have no idea where. We found Katie slowly making her way alongside the back of the house, howling to tell us to come help her. We did, once we got over our initial shock and laughter. Our other dog at the time, Dustie, liked to eat balls . . . and she eventually got a hold of my volleyball and chewed a hole through it. You would find bits of tennis balls or my pink volleyball in her poop all the time. Quite amazing Dustie never wound up needing exploratory surgery. Anyway, Katie, while playing with said volleyball, had managed to get it stuck on her head!! She had bounced her head along the side of the house, knowing which direction we were in. After taking a picture, we rescued the poor dog's head from the dog-eating volleyball.

Oddly enough, she loved to swim. We had a Lab cross, Dustie, that refused to go in any deeper than her belly. Part Lab my ass.

Katie in the water, with her precious tennis ball. Charlie waiting to steal it.

Another thing Katie was excellent at, was catching popcorn. Hey eye-snout coordination was top-notch. Charlie, our hound dog, has the worst eye-snout coordination ever.  

Waiting for popcorn, April '10.

Katie also helped Dustie chase after wild turkey's and deer. Dustie would actually chase after them so that we had to chase after her. Katie usually made it as far the end of the yard. Better than nothing, I suppose.

For a few years, travelling with Katie proved to be interesting. The poor thing got car sick. We had to ask the vet if we could give her Dramamine, or the like. And for awhile, we did have to. One day she just stopped getting car sick, thank God.

 Katie-bug was probably a 1 or 2 here; took a picture of a picture in a frame on the wall. On our way to a campsite somewhere, hoping for a bite of doughnut.

If you threw a tennis ball for Katie, she would be your friend for life. She didn't quite trust you until you played fetch with her. After that, you were in. For life.

As it happens, Katie-bug got older. It took her longer to catch the tennis ball. She couldn't jump to catch the ball anymore. Her eye sight started to fade. Her popcorn catching abilities started to wane. She started getting fatty tumors.

 Katie posing in her scragamuffin glory.

All of a sudden, it seemed her arthritis took a bad hold on her. She was usually too painful to lay still for very long. The vet put her a few different medications to try to alleviate her pain and discomfort. She'd meander along, deaf as a doorknob. She started barking at nothing, and didn't bark when there was something to bark at. She never took much of a liking to Libby; she took a nice big dump in front of Libby's kennel shortly after Libby joined the family. And every time I kissed and hugged her good-bye, I started to worry it could be the last.

"You lookin' at me?"

This past year, my parents had to keep her locked in the laundry room because she was becoming incontinent. My parents kept lots of blankets for her to lay on. Some days she didn't have much of an appetite, others she did. Some days she had a bit of spunk and would hop (her new old-lady version of running) outside. She'd still get excited when I'd come see her, although sometimes she wouldn't know I was home til I got on my knees to put my hand in front.

We couldn't get her groomed anymore, as we couldn't pick her up - she was too painful.

Just before Christmas, the vet's office insisted she go in for blood work. They have to monitor her kidneys with the medications she was on, and they wouldn't refill her medications without the blood work. My parents managed to get her in the truck, where the vet discovered a tumor on her spleen. He gave our sweet little Katie-bug about 3 months.

My parents brought her home for one last Christmas with her people, her pets . . . her family.

I saw her at the end of January, knowing that most likely, it would be the last time I would see her. I gave her extra hugs and extra kisses, and told her just how precious she was to me. Our little lopsided-ear dog.

On Saturday, February 18th, 2012, Mom texted me while I was work at the vet's office. They had taken Katie-bug to the vet to have her euthanized. She was 17 years old.

Now we know she's no longer in pain, but is instead, trying to get her tennis ball back from Dustie in their own little keep-away game in puppy heaven. 

A Weekend of Good-byes

My weekend of good-byes is now over. Thank God, because I'm not sure I could really take more good-byes. I had a hard enough time keeping control my tear ducts as it was.

Friday was my last day with Homeward Bound and work. I got off work on Friday morning and went to Homeward Bound for my last morning of cleaning dog kennels and feeding said dogs. One of the volunteers had brought a carrot cake, some muffins, and donuts for us all to eat after our hard work. I am sorry to say good-bye to the organization, and Jody (who runs it). Not to mention some of the dogs that are lifers, and saw every week for years.  I managed to not cry, although while driving away for the last time it was very hard.

My last night at work was just like any other night at work. We had a potluck for me. A new hire started that night, as well. And my boss decided not to show up until 1:30am, and the new girl showed up at midnight. Since no management was there (I mean, none at all), it fell on me being the senior tech to sit her down and start her reading SOP's (standard operating procedures) for the bench she would start training on. I clocked out at 7am, for the last time, and took my badge to my boss. She took it, and said, "This makes it real. You do know that you will be missed, right?" Of course I knew that. She stood up to give me a hug, and then I went back through the lab for another 30 minutes or so of good-byes.

So many people that I will no longer see every day. Or night, rather. I left the building at 7:45, for the last time. I got in my car, and it hit me. All those people that I have seen for 40 hours every week (sometimes more), and I won't see them again. And if I do, it won't be for a long time. I will miss them all. Okay, most of them. I won't have to hear people hollering my name to come fix a machine. I won't have any more shouting matches with my boss. I won't get to obsess about Pride & Prejudice stuff with my equally obsessed co-worker. I won't be eating my lunch at 2:30am anymore.

I drove out to Saddle Pals a couple hours later that same morning. It was to be my last Saturday with them. The instructor had brought a small cake and some cupcakes for my good-bye. After my first lesson, I put Tex (favorite horse there) out to pasture for the day. I nearly lost it, saying good-bye to a horse. Slightly pathetic, yes. But if you knew this horse, you'd be sad to leave him, too. I managed to sneak a picture of us, before I left his pasture. After lessons, I took a picture with the two gals I see every week there. After saying all kinds of good-byes, I climbed in my car, and immediately had to pull out the tissues. I cried most of the way home.

With Dudley before a lesson.

Later I was texting my mom and I said that I hadn't really realized how many people I would be saying good-bye to. She replied with, "I knew!" You think she could have told me, right?

My BFF showed up a little after 3pm that day. We chit-chatted until it was time to go to my belated birthday/send off dinner. I was expecting about 8 people at least. And like every other time I have a birthday get together, most don't show. My BFF was there, as were my friends ST and HS and her boyfriend. We still had a wonderful time. After dinner, my BFF and I went to Rick's Dessert Diner in downtown Sac. I abhor downtown Sac and avoid it whenever possible. However, my BFF loved this place and wanted me to experience it before I left Sacramento. It was definitely worth the wait in line. I bought a piece of cheesecake and I think it's the best I've ever eaten. It was delicious.

We eventually hit the hay sometime around midnight, and I was exhausted, having been up for about 30 hours. We both slept in late on Sunday morning, and felt like slugs, so we stayed on the couch just talking. She finally left in the late afternoon.

When I said earlier that I didn't realize that I had so many people to say good-bye to, I was serious. I am kind of a homebody, although I do like to get out once in awhile. For lots of reasons, I don't have much a life in Sacramento. Partly because of my hours, partly because I'm a homebody, and partly because I'm shy. But once I had to start saying good-bye to people, I realized that I do know lots of people down here. Many I consider friends. And many I am sad to leave, not knowing when I may see them again.

And while I am sad to leave the people, I will not be sad to leave Sacramento. Or my job. While it was a good job, it was never what I really wanted to do. I never wanted to be a lab rat. And that's exactly what I became. I learned a lot by working there, things I never would have thought I would know. But I am glad to say that I am no longer an employee. In regards to to the city - I am not a city girl. While I like some things a city can offer, and I enjoy visiting sometimes, I do not enjoy living in it.

My BFF and I had this very conversation. I asked her yesterday, "Does it ever amaze you sometimes how we are best friends? We are polar opposites in so many ways!" She laughed and agreed. She is a city girl through and through, while I am a country girl, amongst other things.

On Saturday, I will be moving into my new place in Sticksville, USA. I am excited to begin my new life there. I am still nervous and scared. But everyone I know, in real life and in the blogoshpere, has been so supportive and wonderful, that I know I have made the right choice. 

And the best part about this last weekend? I actually slept laying down for the first time in two weeks. That means my horrendous cough is improving! I awoke on my side, all curled up, which I haven't been able to do since this cough started. Oh thank God for the little things.

With Tex, my main man.