100 Things I Love About the USA: Part 4

I'm doing a series of posts about things I love about the USA. To catch up on previous posts, please click here. And in no particular order, I continue!

#15. We Americans love our freedom - but our freedom comes with laws. And over the years our politicians have created some very stupid laws. I cringe thinking of reasons why some of these laws were even thought of. But nonetheless, they are on the books and are always good for fodder. We even have books about some of our stupid laws from around the country. No really, these things are amazing. Here's a sampling:

Alabama: It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. (Seems like that one wouldn't need a law it's so obvious. But, hey, what do I know?)

Alaska: Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time. (Because apparently barbers were being harassed by the large kangaroo population up there.)

Arizona: Hunting camels is prohibited. (Yeah, I'm pretty sure the zoos frown on that sort of thing.)

Arkansas: It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas while in Arkansas. (So, if you know it's not your word, don't go.)

California: Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. (Soooo, Mother Nature, who is responsible for these winter storms where we don't see the sun for days at a time, is being fined, right?)

Colorado: It is illegal to let your cat run loose in Denver unless it has a tail light. (That I want to see.)

Connecticut: A pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces. (Until then it's just a vinegar soaked cucumber, right?)

Delaware: Six year old girls may not run around without being fully clothed. (But any girls younger or older than that, they are totally down with running around naked or partially clothed.)

Florida: Well, Florida holds a special place in our hearts - and I couldn't choose from the laws I found, so, Florida gets multiple. Enjoy.

1. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. (However, a married woman may do so. Interesting.)
2. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. (Oddly, there are a lot of laws around our country that involve elephants. I'm extremely curious how many people actually owned elephants as pets.)
3. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit within the city limits of Sarasota. (Damn it. There goes my plans for summer.)
4. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. (So the cross-dressing/transvestite crowd should find a new state? Seems a bit harsh.)
5. In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal. (There goes my game of Charades I had planned!)
6. It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday. (But the other 6 days of the week are okay? Seriously?!)
7. It is illegal to have sexual intercourse with a porcupine. (Holy shit! WHY did this have to be a law? WHO in their right mind would do that?!)
8. It is illegal for a woman to bungee jump naked on Sunday before midday. (But it's totally cool for the afternoon and evenings.)
9. In Miami it is illegal to park your elephant on 8th Street on Sundays after 1pm. (Seriously, the elephants again? Was Ringling Brothers in town?)

Georgia: It is illegal to tie a Giraffe to a lamp post. (Well, I thought the fire hydrant was a little low for him . . . )

Hawaii: You will be fined if you do not own a boat. (And parking of all those boats won't be a problem, right?)

Idaho: It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than 50 pounds. (Guys, I know we like chocolate, but do this and you will die.)

Illinois: It is illegal to eat in a restaurant that is on fire. (I want to know what idiot did this.)

Indiana: Bathing is prohibited in winter. (I'm going to guess because it can get so cold. However, if it's still in effect, why isn't the entire state under arrest?)

Iowa: In the city of Marshaltown, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants. (*insert crickets*)

Kansas: It is illegal to hunt whales. (Makes total sense being a land locked state. Y'all paid someone to think that one up???)

Kentucky: By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground". (So you can still crawl home, drunk as a skunk, but you're sober because technically, you can still "hold on to the ground", am I right?)

Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot the teller with a water pistol. (Either way, if you're dumb enough to get caught, you're still going to prison. Water pistol or no.)

Maine: You may not step out of a plane in flight. (This actually needed to be a law?!)

Maryland: You are not allowed to swear inside the city limits of Baltimore. (I'm guessing here, but I'm sure that one is broken all the time.)

Massachusetts: An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. (And yet, there's probably a man who has hair longer than most women in a mullet cut. And that's not illegal?)

Michigan: Alligators may not be tied to fire hydrants. (Because there are so many alligators in Michigan.)

Minnesota: In the city of Minnetonka, anyone involved in allowing or being allowed to enter a massage therapist after 11p.m. is guilty of a misdemeanor. (Because what legit message therapist is open that late?)

Mississippi: It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is. (So does that mean they won't know that polygamy is illegal, too?)

Missouri: It is illegal to have oral sex. (Who monitors this?)

Montana: It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. (hahahahahahaha!)

Nebraska: If a child burps during church, its parent(s) may be arrested. (Evidently they take church very seriously.)

Nevada: It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. (First, I thought one rode a camel. Second, I know Nevada is pretty much all desert, but camels aren't native to the USA, let alone Nevada.)

New Hampshire: On Sundays, citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up. (Ooookay.)

New Jersey: It is illegal to wear a bullet proof vest while committing a murder. (I'm pretty sure that the murderer isn't concerned so much about this crime.)

New Mexico: In the town of Las Cruces, it is illegal to carry a lunchbox down Main Street. (But what if that's where you work?)

New York: Women may go around topless, provided it's not being used as a business (sorry hookers). BUT, it is illegal for women to be walking down the street in "body hugging clothing". (Yeah, makes perfect sense to me.)

North Carolina: Bingo games must not be longer than 5 hours, unless it is held at a fair. (I'm seeing a new reality show - Extreme Bingo.)

North Dakota: Beer and pretzels cannot be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. (So getting drunk on an empty stomach is preferable?)

Ohio: It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (How many innocent fish got drunk until this law was passed?)

Oklahoma: In Clinton, it's illegal to molest an automobile. (WTF? Who does this?!)

Oregon: It is illegal for babies to be transported on the outside of a vehicle, like running boards, hoods, etc. (Seriously, who let those people procreate?!)

Pennsylvania: Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue. (That's going to be a long drive.)

Rhode Island: It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley. (But the pickle itself is cool.)

South Carolina: Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (That must have been a good sized bathtub and a well trained horse.)

South Dakota: Horses are not allowed at the Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants. (Because it's so easy getting pants on a horse. *facepalm*)

Tennessee: In Memphis, it's illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. (I'm insulted but I'm laughing my ass off anyway!)

Texas: A recently passed anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. (So, how's that working out for ya?)

Utah: In Tremonton, it is illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance and if you are caught the guy is let go and the woman is punished and her name appears in the newspaper. (Yeah, that's totally fair. Jackasses.)

Vermont: Lawmakers made it obligatory for everyone to take at least one bath each week - on Saturday. (It's sad that such a law had to be put into place.)

Virginia: In Stafford County, it is legal for a man to beat his wife on the courthouse steps so long as it is before 8:00 pm. (Beg your pardon?)

Washington: All lollipops are banned. (Fun-suckers.)

West Virginia: It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (W.T.F.?!)

Wisconsin: It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. (Because I bet there were a lot of people that had been Sparkled to death.)

Wyoming: It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (For realsies?)