Dear Headache & Eczema: DIE.

I don't necessarily hate a lot of things in life. Or people. I mean, truly hate. However, there are a couple things that could - in my humble opinion - take a flying leap. Those two things would be headaches and eczema. Seriously. Die horrible deaths. Die die die. Die.

I woke up last night with a headache. Not a massive one, just enough for me to know it's there. Like my downstairs neighbor playing their music loud enough on weekends that I just barely hear/feel the bass from their stereo. In my world, if I wake up with a headache, I will have the hardest time getting rid of it. I could suck down enough Excedrin to kill a horse and it still wouldn't have much affect on me.

I don't typically get a lot of headaches. When I do, I tend to get them in succession. I don't get migraines; however, I've had several that were probably a few throbs of pain away from being a migraine. Many times, I know that mine are caused from possibly sleeping funky - as I can feel "stiff" in my neck a little and my headache just plain refuses to leave. (Jackass) Other times I know that it's stress induced - kind of like the knot that is now permanently situated on my right shoulder blade. In those situations (stress), Excedrin knocks it out lickity-split, but I'm also sure that a game of Whack-a-Mole of the people that cause said stress would be quite beneficial. Not to mention therapeutic. And just plain fun. (insert evil laugh here)



The other thing that is bothering me lately, is eczema. This shit sucks. If you are lucky enough to not have it, let me tell you about it. It's like hives but worse. Yeah. Hives go away. Eczema just keeps popping up - like a really bad game of Whack-a-Mole in reverse. In this game, you are the mole that keeps getting whacked by the eczema. You get a little patch of tiny raised bumps, that are often times filled with little bits of fluid. And it itches like a (insert plethora of dirty words here). Soooo not kidding. It can be related to stress. The first time it found me I was more stressed than Psycho Suzi studying for the GRE.

Some days I wake up to find that I have scratched a patch of skin raw while sleeping. Why? Because it itched dammit! And I sleep soundly enough that anything short of a nuclear bomb barely rouses me. Just ask my alarm clock. It can go off for an hour sometimes before I finally turn the stupid thing off.

What's the worst part about eczema, you may ask? It doesn't care where it pops up. If you catch my drift. It doesn't discriminate at all. One day, its on your hand. A couple days later is on a finger. A few days later, you find it on your shin. Then you find a patch on your tummy. After that, you find it on your shoulder. After that, you find some on your toes. Then it starts getting mean. Again, I hope you catch my drift. There are places it shouldn't even consider going. Sometimes it's because you can't fucking reach those places and that's just playing dirty (like that perfect spot right between the shoulder blades). Other times it's because it's, ahem, personal.

Currently, I have little patches popping up on my hands. I blame my job for this. Because we handle animal specimens (like serum tubes, blood tubes, fecal jars, urine jars, etc.) I wear gloves to keep that nasty shit off my hands. However, it runs hot enough in the lab anymore that my hands start sweating within 20 minutes, and then I get "glove sweat". Which is one of the grosses things ever. After awhile, I can't take it any longer, so I take off the gloves and rinse my hands with cold water and get new gloves. Repeat this process about half a dozen times in a shift. I do not wear latex gloves as I found out rather quickly that I have a slight aversion to it. So I wear the latex-free gloves. After 6 years, I'm not sure they're enough anymore.

So, to headaches and eczema: die you little fuckers. DIE.