This is how the world of dating can make you feel after awhile. Especially if you have a fun of odd
luck dates. You don't even have to have dated a douche to feel jaded. Just having enough dates or guys in a row that seem to fit the same profile . . . none of it really suiting you at all.
During my time in Sacramento, I dabbled in the internet dating world. It totally freaked me out in the beginning, and by the time I left Sacramento, I felt kinda let down. I'm not saying those sites don't work, because they obviously do. For those that aren't me.
I met several nice guys via internet dating, but for one reason or another, they totally weren't my type. Well. One was, but for whatever reason, he wasn't into me. He's now with someone else and is happy, and I'm happy for him. No, really, I am.
I'm not sure what I said in my profile that would make these sites match me with certain people, but it did. But because I lived in a city, that's what it matched me up with. City folk. People who wanted to live in lofts or spendy condos, or just maybe the suburbs. Guys who had 9-5 jobs and either did nothing afterwards, or were into sky diving (I'm not sure you could pay me to do that shit) on weekends.
I gave most guys the benefit of the doubt. Figured the picture didn't really do them justice. Figured they wouldn't mind meeting a girl who worked graveyard. Figured I was destined to wind up with a computer nerd. Not that I'm dissing computer guys, but the ones I met weren't really all that special.
I met short guys who blatantly lied about their height - as if I wouldn't figure that shit out the second I met them. I met guys who mentioned they were currently living with their parents while they were looking to buy a house - only to find out that they'd been living with said parents and looking for said house to buy for over two years, and only to find out that they had never moved out and they were 30 years old. (Red flag, red flag!) I met guys who parallel parked worse than me, and embarrassed me in public with their horrid parking abilities. I met guys who were actually kinda cool - only to find out that the literally could barely find 5 minutes for me and made me feel like I was begging (Not cool dude, not cool). I met guys who were the absolute worst kissers on the planet, and made me fearful of kissing ever again. I met guys who had never had a relationship over 6 months, and they were well into their 30s. (Perhaps it's the bad kissing?)
After all this and more (yes, I'm serious), dating is not exactly the fun Hollywood makes it out to be. They make it comical, sexy, and fun. Then you have the fairy tales, that make every young girl dream of her Prince Charming sweeping her off her feet. In reality it's probably some douche who is knocking you off your feet to steal your cab. It's awkwardness, being ignored out of existence after several dates, making you think you did something wrong. It makes you feel bad for actually having morals and expectations. It makes you feel bad for having standards.
There are past relationships that still haunt me. That make me question people when I probably don't need to. To not trust when it's really okay to do so. That prevent me from being as open as I could be with someone because I got laughed at by others for revealing myself. That make me fear I won't find someone who will have patience with me while I work out my own neurotic issues. That make me fear I won't find someone who won't hold me to a different standard than they hold themselves.
As sick as I am of trying to find my Mr. Right, I don't want to stop. I shall just find more Willoughby's before I find my Darcy.