Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Psycho Roomie, Part VII

Last time I mentioned that Suzi and made up a "sign off" sheet for house cleaning. I assume because verbal communication was obviously not an option. We kept it taped up on the side of the kitchen cupboard, for all to see. That way, they could all see that it was my initials only on any of those stupid sheets. The first month, she actually pitched in. We signed stuff off, and went on our merry little ways.

However, when November showed up, she didn't print up a new copy. I let it go for a week or so, and then finally made my own version. I know what your thinking:
why? Because I knew if I didn't, it would come back to haunt me when it came time to move out that I couldn't "prove" I had helped clean house. Believe me, these people would have argued that point. So, every month I kept it up. I vacuumed the living room, hall way, and my room (our respective rooms weren't on the list, although the third bedroom was). I dusted. I wiped down the stupid washer and dryer. I cleaned up the kitchen. I swept and Swiffered the floors. I refused to go even in inch into her bedroom with the vacuum. I didn't touch the third bedroom because it was all her crap in there to begin with. The only thing of mine in the third bedroom was my bike.

I signed diligently every week, like a good girl. I was a brunette version of Cinderella. A version that didn't sing because I can't carry a tune in a bucket. Every month until I went on my internship, I posted a new sign off sheet. I kept all the old ones in a folder in my room, hidden away for future use if necessary.

Her initials appeared sporadically on these sheets. Nine times out of ten, she signed on the following week, the day after I cleaned. So, if I cleaned on week 1, say November 1st, the next house cleaning should be on week 2, say, November 8th. I would sign say, November 1st for the 1st because that's when I cleaned. She would come in, clean her stupid blind-hairless-fugly rat's cage and mess up my beautiful living room, vacuum up her mess then sign for vacuuming for November 2nd, on week two. She would only sign for stuff I had already done. Needless to say, I don't think she ever lifted a finger. Once a month she'd randomly sign the stupid sheet.

I never once in my year living with her cleaned any of her animal cages. And I'm not talking about the stupid mice for her research project, either. By the way, those stinky mice lived with us probably until near Christmas. At least. She had a male "fancy mouse" as the father to all the baby mice she needed for her research project. She had Gus, her hairless-cysty-fugly rat, the 1oo or so mice, and then in the spring, took a rabbit off her friend. Now, the rabbit, was cute. I don't remember his name, but he was a large lop-eared rabbit. Adorable. And litter-box trained. It was awesome. I felt bad for him, though, because after a week, she lost all interest in it. She never let him out to roam, she barely paid attention to him. I didn't clean the cage, that was her duty. But I'd find fresh veggies for him, pet him, let him roam a bit, and give him some much needed attention. Especially since she set him the third bedroom, so for her, he was out of sight-out of mind.

And I have yet to mention her stupid gold fish. Oh dear. She had a ten gallon tank that sat on the kitchen counter, directly behind the kitchen sink. These poor suckers never stood a chance. Actually, it's a miracle anything lived with her taking care of it, since she did manage to kill cacti and Aloe Vera plants. I'm so not kidding. How the fuck do you kill desert plants??? That takes a lot of work and some serious talent. Anyway, she went through a few gold fish. At one point she bought some fancy fan-tail black gold fish. I think she might have had a few too many in the tank, I don't really remember, but the two gold goldfish were mean little suckers and killed at least one of the black ones. Did Suzi fish it out with a net and flush it? Nope. It sank to the bottom of the tank, and decomposed. I finally said something to her and she was like, "Oh, I never noticed it." Seriously? It's only on the freakin' kitchen counter for the world to see.

So, yes, my apartment smelled lovely. We had at least 100 mice in the apartment, a rabbit, and dead decomposing fish.

Why, hello, Febreze. I love you.

Now, I must say, that luckily, I did not have to use the old "sign off" sheets to "prove" I lifted a finger. I'm thinking only because the subject never came up. I find it a bit that it didn't, considering everything else at the end when it came time for me to leave.


  1. Nightmare!!! My mama always told me, "Hunny, spare yourself and never get a roommate." This would be an example of why she has always said that. I'm astounded someone could be so inconsiderate...although I guess I shouldn't be--there are examples everyday all around us...just flick on the news or some reality show. :/ I'm sorry you had to deal with that. :(

  2. I'm sorry, too. HAHA! And it's not over yet, either. I keep remembering stuff. I pretty much swore off roommates because of her, but I may be forced to find me some for financial reasons.


I love comments. Please leave one. :o)