Monday, October 18, 2010

Strange the impact a few words can have on you

A few hours after posting about how I was loving yesterday - the clouds, the rain, watching Psych and laughing for hours, and cuddling with my cat - it took a turn. An odd turn, to say the least. Slightly upsetting. I called my BFF and cried on the phone with her and felt better in the end making each other laugh. I also started chatting with my cousin, and she helped me feel better, too. All the while, I was getting play-by-play text messages from my mom regarding the Phillies/Giants game. BTW, the Giants better pick up their game and kick some Philly ass. (no offense to those Philly fans out there!)

In a previous post, from about a month ago, I spoke about WB. I had been trying not to chat with him much on Facebook recently, considering I realize how not into me he is. Except for last night, I was in a good mood, and felt like chatting with someone, so I started chatting with him.
We talked about work, my internal struggle regarding possible opportunities, and whatnot. He tells me that he unfortunately broke a girl's heart recently, but she wasn't right for him and he didn't want it to drag on. I know for a fact he wasn't speaking about me to me, considering we've never had that discussion. Then he says he's thinking of doing something crazy: proposing. Talk about your 180.

Now, oddly enough, while this proposal idea isn't what bothered me, it did shock me. Rationally, I knew he wasn't talking about me. Turns out he wants to propose to a woman whom he's dated off and on for nearly 20 years. I told him to go for it; that if in his heart he felt it was right, that he should do it. He thanked me my good advice and answered my questions about how and where, and told me that he'd tell me the results. I remember him mentioning he was going to bring her roses, as apparently he's the only man to have ever bought her roses. I thought about that for a second, and had a very small epiphany and told him that only one boyfriend had ever bought me roses - my very first boyfriend, ages ago.

WB then pulls another 180 and says this to me:

"You are an attractive gal. I especially thought that the last time you stopped by when my friend and I were working on his truck."

Several things happened at once. I felt a chill, a shudder . . . and then I started bawling. I cannot tell you how long it's been since someone has said that to me. Someone not being a family member or best friend. It was a double-edged sword that ran me through. I know he meant it as a compliment, and that's how I took it and understood it. And in a sense, I guess it told me that, at least for that fleeting moment when we 'dated' this spring, he had been attracted to me. At least for a moment. Although, I'm still not sure how take him saying it to me . . . between the conversations I had with my cousin and BFF, and me not being able to wrap my mind around it, all the while crying over it. I have a feeling though, that he had no idea what kind of an impact that would have on me.

I wasn't lying when I told him I hope it all works out for him. I want him to be happy. But, it really sucks when the so-called "man of your dreams" tells you you're attractive whilst telling you he's planning on proposing to someone else.

(sigh) Boys. (shakes head)


  1. Boys will always cause's kinda their job. But when you find that "one" its soooooo worth it all!

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  2. Sometimes I really do think men have no idea what weight we put on their words. I'm not sure if that's our fault or theirs. Are they trying to be nice and we put too much meaning behind their pleasant compliments, or are they trying to make sure they have a back up? I'll never be sure. I have learned to accept compliments gratiously without adding any meaning behind them, just taking them for what they are...but this took a long time to do.
    I am sorry that you are confused and hurting. I know how you feel. I hate men who pull 180's. I don't like being unsure of where I stand with people. Just hold onto the fact that no matter are beautiful, smart, and worthy of love. :-)

  3. Aww, sweetie, I'm so sorry. This is sort-of along the lines of The One That Wasn't--leads me down a path, then, out of the blue, marries a woman who had devastated him years and years ago. I was flabbergasted. Looking on it, I know he wasn't the one--I knew it before, but that event just verified what my gut had been telling me for a few years.

    That's how you need to look at it--he wasn't the one. He wouldn't give you the love you deserve. I think fate likes to have fun, play jokes on us, but I still believe fate has it all worked out and will come through...even though I want to chuck lemons at it sometimes.

  4. Oh...and GO PHILLIE! :-P

  5. CBG - I'm so tired of crying over boys. It's aggravating. LOL

    Jewels - Thanks. :o) I think women really want to know the exact meaning behind what men say. We just chew on it, thinking of every possible meaning. And all we really do is drive ourselves crazy. Oh, and you need to get it right - it's GO GIANTS! LOL

    Frisky - Thank you. I'm not sure about you, though, but I'm getting tired of playing with fate. Or it playing with me. LOL I'll feel better in a couple days. :o)

  6. I totally agree with Jewels, men don't realize the power and weight of their words. Women are big talkers so when we say something we mean what we say, and we think about the situation surrounding what we say. Men say things without thinking. I am sorry he didn't think about how complimenting you while planning his proposal is inappropriate. Keep your head held high and eventually a guy worthy of you will come along!

  7. Oh, yeah, I'm getting reeeeeaaaallllly tired of fate messing with me (and I'm convinced it messes with us...I mean, all we've ever done is dare to hope it's a kind, otherworldly helping hand, right? Now, why on earth would that tick it off?)


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